Get to Know a Mom: Mary Francisco

This month on our "Get to Know a Mom/Grandma" series, we get a chance to hear from Mary Fransisco. Mary, and her husband Eric, were sent out from Crossroads and serve in Taiwan along with their five kiddos. They are currently on a year long home assignment in Ohio. We look forward to when COVID regulations make it easier for them to visit Crossroads, but until then we are grateful for the digital ways to connect.

What's the biggest blessing about serving overseas with kids?

Taiwanese are incredibly friendly people! They were very interested in talking with us to find out why we were in Taiwan and I think our kids made us more approachable. The kids graciously put up with their hair being touched all the time, funny comments about their head shapes being different than Asian heads, and the baby was often carried around by strangers whether we were at the park or a restaurant! The friendships we developed as a family were such a blessing! I can’t count the number of relationships have formed through our kids. I know this is true for many of you as well- kids are a bridge to relationships no matter where you live!

What do you carry in your purse or diaper bag in Taiwan, you probably wouldn't carry here?

I always had a little pouch in my diaper bag that contained spoons, forks, children’s chopsticks, straws, and scissors. Eating out is very inexpensive in Taiwan, a great way to meet people (we developed various relationships with waitresses and shopkeepers), and something friends commonly do together. The restaurants often only have chopsticks and Asian soup spoons, neither being the easiest for kids to use. So, I learned from my Taiwanese friends to carry around our own utensils. And scissors- I also learned from my friends that scissors are exponentially more useful than a knife! You can easily cut up meat, vegetables, dumplings, etc. I accidentally left them in the diaper bag when we were traveling back to the US, but the Taiwanese security officer kindly allowed me to keep them, knowing they were just for cutting up kids’ food! Also, wipes and tissues were very much a necessity since many public restrooms do not have toilet paper.

Can you explain TCK and a bit of the blessings and challenges of being one and parenting 4?

TCK stands for third culture kid. A third culture kid is someone who spends a significant amount of their developmental years in another culture. One culture is their parents’ culture from their “home” country- their passport culture. Another culture is from their “host” culture- the country in which they are being raised. The third culture is what they form as they mix cultural aspects from both their passport country and host country, not quite fitting either context completely.

Often, a TCK will feel the tension that they do not quite belong in their passport country but they also are not a native of their host country. The challenge can be feeling like you do not fully fit in anywhere. You are always going to be a foreigner among your friends and classmates overseas. And in the US, you look like you belong, but you may not feel like you belong as you do not have all the shared experiences of children raised in the US. As a TCK myself, I think this is partially why my first friends in college were other missionary kids. We grew up in totally different parts of the world with very different experiences, but we bonded as TCK’s.

There are also joys of gleaning the highlights from two cultures. I am thankful for the rich upbringing I had in Japan and am grateful for the way that growing up overseas has shaped our children. Taiwan is home for them and the aspects that may have sometimes felt difficult or different to us as adults were just the normal way of doing things in their minds. Though there are many challenges in being a TCK, the joys more than offset the sacrifices!

Top travel tip for long plane rides with kids?

Unlimited screen time. Haha! I am joking, but it is always a highlight for our kids to watch shows and play games much more than usual on the airplane’s personal screens during our international flights! A favorite airplane activity for our kids has always been sticker books but I also prepare other little activities to help the time pass. Since the long-haul flights we take are between 13 to 16 hours, we also take pajamas and their special bedtime loveys/stuffies. During the flight, we change the kids into jammies and then do a modified version of their normal bedtime routine so that they will go to sleep. The hours they are sleeping go by a whole lot faster than the hours that they are awake! If they sleep through a meal, we just request it later. There is always so much excitement and anticipation when we travel that they generally do very well on the long trips.

Favorite verse?

My favorite passage is Isaiah 43, specifically verses 1-3.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

Throughout life, we each experience our share of fires, floods, and trials. Yet, Isaiah 43 points to God’s faithfulness in carrying us through those difficult times. The fires don’t burn us, the flames don’t set us ablaze, the rivers don’t sweep us away- God is always with us. I am so thankful that we serve a sovereign God!

Thing you most want to imitate about your mom?

I am grateful for the joy my mom has exhibited as she made many sacrifices throughout her life. From being a college student an ocean away from her father when he passed, adjusting to another country and culture as she raised my four siblings and me, leaving her kids behind in the US as they began college, to now being so far from her grandchildren, she has continued to sacrifice obediently and serve the Lord joyfully. I long to imitate that same joyful obedience, living for eternal rewards instead of seeking earthly comforts.

Most helpful thing you learned from your parents?

My most joyful memories from my childhood are the times we went away as a family. In ministry, you are somewhat “on” 24/7 and it can be difficult to have boundaries or margin. So, getting away on occasion allows for family time and a break from the normal demands of ministry. As I was growing up, our family enjoyed going a few hours north of Tokyo to the beach where we would rent a rustic, old cabin that dates back to the days of the war. My favorite family memories are from those two week vacations each summer and I am grateful my parents made it a priority to be refreshed as a family. Because our financial support is based off the generosity of others, it is hard to not feel a sense of guilt when pausing from ministry responsibilities to step aside and be refreshed. However, we have tried to remember the importance of taking a break each year so that we can be recharged and avoid burn out. We also want to be sure our kids know that family time is a priority alongside the joys of ministry.